Starve
by i can't care
Summary: Clary has anorexia bulimia because of Jace's constant bullying. So she joins a counseling group, always wearing her mask and wig, that lets her express how she's feeling around her friends that feel the same. But the counselor's son is jace, so she must be careful. Jace never knows what to say around Clary, so ends up hurting her. He had no idea he could affect her so much.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! It's my first piece to be exposed to the world, so I hope you like it. I will try to update every day because I can't stand waiting to see what will happen next, even if I'm the one writing it :) I won't drop the story, either I'll give it a ending. The first chapter is kind of short, sorry! Thanks for reading! Review! **CPOV

_ Clary saw herself walking down the school halls, surrounded by friends, wearing the best of all clothes. Her fiery red frizzy hair was straight and put into an elaborate hairstyle. The makeup she wished she could wear was perfectly done. Obviously it was not done by Clary herself, who was basically makeup and hair retarded. She was wearing a lime green dress that showed off her imaginary curves and thin, perfect legs. In her dream, Clary had a flat stomach with her hipbones and all her fat was almost gone. It was perfect. _

_ But in moments, the dream changed and showed how Clary thought herself today. The new girl was way overweight, with makeup spread across her face like butter and hair turned into a rats nest. People around her laughed and pointed as this Clary walked around. _

_ Then, the blond bully came up and grabbed her stomach, laughing and drawing a crowd. _

_ "Look at this!" he called out as his friends neared, "She has so much fat I could scoop it out by the handful!" the crowd laughed and the blondie, Jace, started roughly grabbing her fat all over as Clary tried to escape. But Jace grabbed her and somehow the ground elevated in the hallways, making everyone see how Jace was pointing out her fat. The crowd leered and called as Jace rambled off fat people insults. _

Clary felt the atmosphere around her change as she awoke form her dream. The hallways had appeared so real; all the insults so true. Even her tears still soaked her face. She shot out of bed and ran to her mirror, ready to look at the grotesque thing people called Clary. In the mirror was a soft, curvy, girl that wasn't stick thin like everyone else.

Clary ran back to her bed and sobbed into her pillow, images of her dream coming back into her head. Why couldn't she just be thing like everyone else? Countless times she watched as thin twig girls pulled out a family size bag of chips and devoured it with a cupcake and soda. She watched sadly as she pulled out her broccoli and water. Even after countless hours of exercise, even after dieting like crazy, at the end of the day she could still pinch her stomach fat. How?

Clary sobbed about her life into her pillow, dreading tomorrow school where everyone could see her fat rolls pouring off her. Clary fell into a dreamless sleep, the tears stills soaking her face and her breath still ragged.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! I'm back! Most of my updates will be at night so I have the whole day to write the chapter, just letting you know. Also, Clary might be a OOC. Maybe. Thanks for reading, and I will probably be posting another story soon, so the updates might vary day to day, which story. Whichever is most exciting! The next chapter or two will come in the next few hours. Also, tomorrow is Christmas, so probably no update. If there is it will probably be short. Ok, thanks for reading! Review!**

JPOV

Three knocks on the door and a screech form Izzy had Jace lying awake on his bed.

"Jace! Come on! Time for school!" Izzy yelled from behind the door before giving out a frustrated sigh and turning away. Meanwhile, Jace was trying to pluck up the courage to do something about Clary today.

That girl befuddled him. Befuddled. It rolled around on his tongue. When he finally found the right words, he would tell her she befuddled him.

Jace never knew what to say around that girl. Her fiery red hair, piercing green eyes, always had him so confused and out-of-it. The meanest things came out of his mouth, and he knew it, just didn't know how to stop it.

The day where he would admit he loved Clary would be gorgeous. Her eyes would be filled of happiness and she would run to him, bringing him into the biggest kiss.

Every day he promised that day would today, but every time he saw her, he froze and began to rant off the most un-true and ridiculous things. Jace sighed and rolled off the bed and groaned. Why did he have to be such an ass to her?

Yet every time he insulted her, he could see his words had no effect on her. She stayed strong and let it roll of her back. How could such a frail little creature be so strong, he'll never know.

Jace sauntered up to the dresser and picked out a black shirt and some jeans. The perfect thing to wear when he told Clary how he felt. Of course he said that everyday.

"Jace! Get your lazy ass down here or I'll finish all the pancakes!" Izzy yelled form downstairs. With one last sigh, Jace turned to the door and went downstairs.

The Lightwood house was a mansion. Long, spiral stairs with huge hanging photos decorating the wall, giant gold pillars, and unbelievable amount of empty guest rooms. The place was basically a castle.

When Jace was ten, his parents died in a fire. Jace, luckily, was outside, collecting his toys. He watched helplessly as everything he knew and loved became covered in the bright red blossom. Scared, he had ran to the neighbors and cowered in fear. The next Jace had seen the house; it was just a pile of char. No survivors.

The young boy's best friend, Izzy, family decided to take in Jace, for they had more than enough for one more child. They had hired councilors, gave him everything he asked for, loved him, and all patiently waited as he slowly came out of shell. They now were more a family then his old parents ever were.

Downstairs, Robert, Maryse and Izzy were all gathered around the grand oak table, buttering their pancakes and talking. With a huff, Jace heaved himself off the last stair and went to join them.

"And so this year, I think I might start a club for people who have eating disorders, or are concerned about their weight, but are scared to let people know. In our group, everyone may wear a mask and wig if they want, so their identity may remain unknown to the rest of the group!" Rob said, looking around at his family for agreement.

Rob worked at the school as a helper, someone the teacher could ask to go get copies of this, help a student with that. He didn't mind, he just liked being around people.

Jace nodded absentmindedly as he munched on the perfect pancakes Maryse cooked. Everyone started talking, but Jace zoned out and just sat there. Before he knew it, Maryse was shaking him a little.

"Jace, Honey, time for school," she said sternly. He sighed and plucked his backpack and keys off the ground.

"See ya!" he yelled as he kicked open the double doors leading outside. He heard of chorus of farewells behind him as he marched over to his black convertible.

He threw his bag in the back and was just about to pull away before Izzy came running out of the door, clutching her bags close. How she could run in those heels, Jace thought silently as she angrily stormed over the passenger door and yanked in open.

Jace found himself chuckling while she threw her stuff in the back and furiously turned to the front, crossing her arms over her chest.

"How dare you try to ditch me," she calmly said as he pulled out the driveway and began to drive away. Her scary calm face remained facing forward.

"It was easy. I almost got away with it too," he joked, then looked over to see Izzy's eyes brimming with tears.

"Oh Izzy, come on, I would've waited. It was just a joke," he lied. Truthfully, he had forgotten. Jace mentally slapped himself. She was on her period! Nice going, he thought.

"I'm sorry, Iz, it was cruel and I won't do it again," he apologized, attempting to sound sincere. He glanced over to see her stony look warming up and her unshed tears retracting. That was close.

Jace pulled up to the school, letting Iz out first as an apology. She just huffed, grabbed her stuff and marched away. Maybe he wasn't totally forgiven.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Jace spotted the most beautiful flash of red hair, which was slightly fizzed and down, just as he liked it. Her soft, slightly curvy figure was leaned up against a tree, her lean hands cradling a book. She was already reading.

Today was the day, Jace told himself, his backpack on his lap and his keys tucked into his pocket. Today he would go ever there and tell her he loved her. With that thought in mind, he pushed open the car door and strolled over to her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey Guys! Sorry not to update last night, so I made this chapter a lot longer! Thanks for reading! Review! Bye!**

CPOV

_ The sound of rushing water filled her head as she fell backwards into the stream. Something cold and slimy brushed up against her leg. Suddenly, a sharp pain erupted. Looking down, she saw it was a-_

"Hey, Red," an annoying voice interrupted. Clary looked up, clearly startled, at the blond headed bully from her dream. Right as she saw him, she grabbed her bag and prepared to walk away.

"Wait! Red!" he said, clutching her shoulder. She glared up at him, preparing her walls .Preparing to look undefeatable. She watched as Jace started to look nervous. But only for a second. Than like a switch, a smirk covered his golden face and his taunting began.

"Come on, I've given you quite the warning for the last few years; you need to lose some weight. Like desperately," he said, lunging forward at her and pinching her stomach. Clary shrieked and dropped to her knees, shrieking as he pinched a nerve. Quickly regaining herself, she stood up, allowing her anger to seep through her eyes. She gathered up as much courage as possible, and slapped him square across the face.

Jace hardly flinched, but still raised a hand to cradle his cheek.

"Ow!" he yelled, looking up at her. But only to find the space gone.

Clary meanwhile was strolling back up to the front doors, the book she was reading clutched close to her chest. Outside, she looked strong, like a woman with a purpose. On the inside, she carefully tried to hide her tears from spilling.

Why did he always pick on her? What made her so special enough to destroy constantly? When she first met him, he wasn't all that bad. Even kind of cute, stuttering around for a few minutes. She knew it was ridiculous, but after her first few hours in class with him, she had started to like him, and hoped he did too, with all his stuttering but later that day her turned into an ass for the first time. Unfortunately, the ass Jace stayed.

_ "H-he-hello," a nervous voice sounded from behind Clary. With a whoosh of her straight, red hair, she glanced back at him and smiled. _

_ "Hello," she replied pleasantly, turning in her desk and giving a small wave. He boy had golden hair covering his forehead and a little of his ears. His long face had a golden tan form the summer, and even his eyes sparkled a golden shine. _

_ He fiddled with his hand and looked down for a moment before glancing back up, his eyes shining with uncertainty. _

_ "Um…I like your hair," he said sweetly, reaching over with a quivering hand to stroke her hair. Clary felt her face go red and wide smile plastered over her face as she felt him do a few stokes of her hair. _

_ She had spent an hour in the morning trying to straighten the frizzy mess; all the 8th graders said in 7th grade, you have to wear make-up and fix your hair. Of course last year the a few girls fixed their hair, but Clary gladly stayed away from the struggle of taming her hair. But this year it was a necessity. _

_ "Thanks," she said as the boy pulled his hand back nervously. _

_ "I'm Clary," she said after a few moments, sticking her hand out. The golden boy looked relieved to have something to say back. _

_ "Jace," he replied, taking Clary's hand and shaking it for a moment or two longer than necessary, than hastily pulling back as though she burned him. Jace and Clary let out a nervous laugh together, both unsure of what to do. _

_ "Your laugh is pretty. Like raindrops," Jace said aloud in a dreamy voice, as though he hadn't meant to say that. Clary looked at him and he blushed slightly again. _

_ "Thank you," she said for the second time, unsure of what else to do. Jace was about to open his mouth before the teacher came in and interrupted them _

_ "Welcome, welcome class. I hope you like 7th grade so far. I'm Mr. Rosa, please find a seat. I don't care where, just don't make me separate you," the teacher said as he strolled in. Jace immediately slid into the seat next to Clary. HE glanced over at Clary with a grin. It was in that moment she decided she liked him. _

_ The rest of the class he and she talked with more ease, each conversing freely. Clary found she had four other classes with Jace. In the last class she had with him, he told her to meet her by the cherry tree after school. Without thinking, she agreed. _

_ After school, she spotted Jace under the tree with another girl with raven black hair cut around her shoulder. Cautiously, Clary approached. As soon as Jace spotted her, he turned away from the other girl at to Clary with pure happiness etched across his face. _

_ "Hey Clary," he said happily coming over to her, leaving the pale girl with black hair by the tree. _

_ "Hey," she said with a bounce. Suddenly Jace looked nervous. _

_ "Clary, I think….," a mean glint came into his eyes, "your fat. You need to lose a lot of weight. Right away. I recommended running home crying. It burns a lot of calories." _

_ Clary felt her eyes start to overflow with the hurt. _

_ "Fine!" she spat as she turned away, "Be that way, Ass!" Immediately Clary felt bad, but slightly proud of herself of standing up for herself. And cursing like that. She giggled lightly at the thought of cursing without flinching. _

_ However, as Clary turned away, she saw a glimpse of Jace looking after her, looking broken hearted. _

From then on, he always acted rude and particularly picked on her weight. From that point on, Clary was always more conscious of how she looked.

As Clary called up the memory, she felt a new set of tears about to fall. Pushing through the crowd, she made her way to the girls bathroom and cried right as she flew through the door.

Clary ran into the handicap stall and cried her eyes out. Cried at what a jerk Jace was, how he constantly abused her, how she even dared to hope her would one day just become compassionate and kind.

But mostly she cried about how right he was. The fat rolls were always there, taunting her no matter what she did. She had tried all the diets, all the exercises, everything, but nothing worked.

The tardy bell rang in Clary's through the pounding of blood in her ears and the sobbing.

Twenty minutes passed and finally the tears began to slow, but the thoughts didn't. How could such a fat girl like her even walk without shaking the ground? Why did she love food so much?

Finally, Clary picked herself up and opened the stall door, surprised no one came in the whole time. With a heavy heart, she walked over to the mirror and looked at her make-up stricken face, and her plump body showing through her clothes. Another wave of tears was about to come, but she held them in and instead walked over to the mirrors after fishing out her make-up bag from her purse.

With steady fingers, Clary wiped off all her make-up and with a steady hand began to reapply the eye-liner. Just as she was finishing her right eye, the door burst open, causing Clary to draw a long line across her face. The girl who walked in stopped short as Clary began to quietly curse under her breath.

She was planning on just using more make-up wipes when she found she had no more.

With a sad sigh, she tried to wash it off with just water and toilet paper.

"Here, here, I have some," the girl who walked in said as she approached Clary, "It's my fault anyway." She gladly accepted the wipes with a smile and turned toward the mirror again.

The other girl had straight, long, black hair that was out and parted in the middle. Her face was pale and had professionally applied make-up. On top of that, she was a towering height over Clary.

The girl just stood there, her red leather purse hanging loosely off her fore-arm. As Clary began to adjust her eye-makeup she watched with a hawk eyes.

"No, no, no. Hold the brush like this, it will give you more volume and make them appear longer," she rushed over as soon as Clary began to apply her mascara. Clary felt the girl's long slender fingers grip the same brush as her and applied a single brush.

She's right, Clary thought as she saw her eyes. With wide awed eyes, she turned to her.

"Know anything else?" she asked with a weak smile. The black headed girl gave a wise smile and stuck out her hand.

"I'm Isabelle," she said, "But call be Izzy or I'll kill you." Clary gave a smile and took her hand, shaking it in a formal way.

"Clary," she said. Izzy's eyes grew wide for a moment, but in a second it was gone.

Izzy's pov

I couldn't believe what I just heard. Clary? Could it be Jace's Clary? I knew my surprise showed on my face, so quickly regained myself and pulled out my phone to check out the time.

"Well, Clary, do you plan on getting back to class this period?" I asked in what I hoped was a care-free voice.

"No."

Even though I had heard it before, how fragile and innocent it was caught me by surprise. How could Jace pick on her so? She was so tiny!

"Then let's get to work!" I told her, happiness going into my voice. Grabbing my make-up bag with one hand and her fore-arm in the other.

_Time to get to work_, I thought, _to put Jace and this girl together._

We spent the rest of the period doing basic make-up tricks.

JPOV

How could he be so stupid? Today was going to be the day. He almost did it too; he was almost himself around her. Until she gave him her attention. Her beautiful glaring eyes got him distracted, the way her hair framed her face like an angel. The mean Jace came out again.

How could he be so cruel to the girl he loved? How could he ever hope for her to love him if he continued to be like that to her? Will her ever learn to control himself around her?

He sighed and turned away from the tree as her figure made its way into the school. His cheek still stung ever so slightly, but her small hands didn't do much harm. At the last moment he decided to pretend she had actually hurt him. Maybe than she would stand up to him and he could her he loved her.

"Hey, Jace," a voice from behind Jace glumly said. Jace turned around in surprise. There sat his old friend Jordan.

"Hey Jordan! You ok?" he asked concerned. The boy's whole face looked tired and the bags under his eyes proved it.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Jordan answered with a dismissive wave, "Just the parents again, you know?"

He did know. Since Jace first was friends with Jordan when they were twelve, his parents have been fighting every single night. It almost always about his dad, how came home drunk, getting in Jordan's face, telling the boy everything was his fault. Telling him that they didn't want him, that he was waste and a fail.

When he turned 14, he began physically abusing him, punching, kicking him. At first Jordan fought back, but his will slowly dwindled until he just accepted it.

"What about you? Any luck with her?" Jordan asked, knowing Jace's feelings for Clary. Jace winced slightly and shoke his head sadly.

"I did it again. I can't believe it, how can I just be no control of what I say? I feel so bad," he answered miserably. Jordan patted his back as they continued to walking to class.

"What did you say this time?"

"I picked on her weight again. But she's so perfect. Her weight is fine, anything less or more would be bad. But not on her. She would be perfect no matter what," Jace answered, bringing his shoulders down. Again, Jordan patted his back.

"One day, man. One day."

CPOV

Later that day, Clary walked into her 5th period class, science. Immediately, the teacher rushed them into their seats.

"Come on, come on! I won't be that boring, I promise," he announced in the beginning of class. The class slowly began to quiet around Clary.

"Welcome, welcome. Since it's the first day and I bet you all forget everything from last year, we'll just watch a video today," he said. The class cheered and high-fived each other as the teacher pulled up a movie on the smart-board.

The lights turned off and the video began.

It started off following a young girl around the age of 13, how she was a bit husky. Soon she began to become very self-conscious on how she weighed. Through the video, she starts to throw up her food in secret, careful to hide all evidence. Slowly, her food amount dwindles too until she hardly eats, and still throw that up.

It shows how bad the girl began to look through the years. But while that rest of the class was disgusted by her, Clary was fascinated. Her bones were showing. She looked beautiful in Clary's eyes.

The meaning of the video was to show not to do it, but how she looked stayed in Clary's mind for the rest of the week.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello, guys! Sorry the update is up so late, just had a lot to do. It probably will always be out at night so I have the whole day to work on it. Also, with Jordan's view, I went off what the internet said, and had no idea how it would really feel. Don't judge :) Okays, thanks for reading, please review! I love reading my review; they kind of make me want to write more! Okay, enough read!**

CPOV

"Hey, Red," a familiar voice spoke from below Clary. Clary ignored it and bit into her sandwich again, still holding her book.

"Red? Can you hear me?" Jace screamed from the base of the tree with Jordan right next to him. Clary's grip tightened and her knuckles turned a pale shade of white.

"Or did all that fat finally start clogging around your heart? I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner. With all that you're eating, it can only be expected. Not that many people would care if you died, anyway…" Jace continued. Unshed tears welled up in her eyes.

She became more aware of her stomach, the way her sweatpants were touching it, even though they were designed to be loose. The food she had just eaten settled uncomfortably in her stomach. She wasn't that bad, was she? But she already knew the answer.

Yes, she was. The tears silently began to spill, leaving small wet spots on her book and hoodie.

And no one would care if she died. Who cares about fat chicks? Her thighs shook when she walked, when she sat a fat roll appeared, her cheeks weren't slim like all the other girls were. No one likes a girl that. The only person she could think of that actually liked her was Izzy and maybe her mom, when she was around.

She ate so much, too. A whole apple and sandwich? She was such a pig. No wonder she had no friends but Izzy.

The weight in her stomach was almost unbearable.

At one point Jace and Jordan left, but their words stayed with her. How the hell was she supposed to lose all the calories and sugars form her sandwich? Then she remembered.

The video.

That beautifully thin girl threw up. She could still enjoy all her food and quite feeling so heavy.

With that thought in mind, she gathered her bag from a nearby branch and shimmied down the tree.

JPOV

"What the hell is up with you? That's worse than usual. _No one would care if you died? All that you're eating? _That's just sick and cruel, man. Did you ever think about how what you say to her effects her? I wouldn't be surprised if she became bulimic," Jordan chided. Jace shoke his head. No way would Clary ever become bulimic. She was so strong and confident. No matter what he said, she would stay strong.

But he knew he was harsher than usual. She had just sat there, ignoring him. He doubted she even knew he had left. Even though he knew he had hurt her, it hurt to be ignored.

"How am I going to stop?" Jace asked Jordan, losing hope in general. Jordan tilted his head up and stroke his chin a mocking manner.

"Well, I could slap you every time you say something mean to her," he suggested, kidding around. But Jace didn't get the joke.

"We could try that," Jace said thoughtfully. Jordan grabbed his shoulders and turned to face him, shocked.

"I was kidding around, dude. I'm not going to slap you!" he said as though the idea were outrageous. But Jace didn't accept it.

"No, no, no, we'll try it. If I can snap out of it when you slap me, than I can finally admit to her I love her! Then you'll only need to slap me a few times. It might work!" Jace seriously said, shaking out of Jordan's grip. With a clouded look in his eyes. Jordan saw the desperation and hopes in them. If Jace really wanted to, he might be able to.

"Fine. I'll do it. It's not like I never wanted to slap you one point or another," he relented. Jace smiled off into the distance, a hopeful and happy look on his face

"This just might work," he grinned. Jordan shook his head.

"Dude, are you sure she'd even believe you? I mean, you've been taunting her since 7th grade," he said, looking doubtful.

But Jace shook his head and made his way to class. His Clary would believe him. He knew she would. She would be able to see the love in his eyes when he told her. She was just so smart and knowing like that.

He bet she knew already. Clary must have seen the love or nervousness in his eyes at some point.

Her wild red hair would be out and straight, just like the first day he saw her. Her fierce green eyes would be shining with tears of joy, and her frail arms would wrap around his neck before pulling his head into his a kiss. Or he would bring his head down and her head up. Either way, it would be beautiful, and filled of love and passion.

Lost in his thoughts of Clary, he saw he had arrived to his math class early. Inside, was his own Rob.

"Oh! Hey, Rob," Jace said as he sat in a desk. Rob glanced back in surprise before turning back to the printer in the back of the classroom.

"Hey Jace! What's up?" Rob responded while opening the computer and glancing at the cartages. Of course they were empty.

"Nothing much, I guess. You know how I am around Clary. Today I was even worse. I teased her weight and told her no one care if she died," he admitted sadly. Rob looked at him awed with the disappointment. He knew that Jace couldn't hold help it, but to sink that low? That was a whole new level even for Ass Jace.

"Jace!" he scolded, "You don't know what that could do to her! She could become bulimic or even suicidal! You have to stop. I know you can't help it, but still," he added at Jace's expression. The pulled out three new cartages and put them in the printer. Jace stared back, glum as ever. His Clary would not do that, he wanted to scream to everyone, he could see what he said had absolutely no effect on her! But instead of arguing he turned the attention to Rob.

"Speaking of bulimia how's that group you wanted planned working out?" Jace asked, trying to sound curious. Maybe he was, but just a little. He had other problems on his hands. The printer began to omit papers rapidly.

"Oh that. It might take a while. I have to fill out a lot of paperwork on the reasons, how it would help the school, why I want to make it, the times, five people who would participate. I tried to explain, I'm not forcing people to show their identities, but they are so un-understanding! It might take up to six months," Rob sadly said as he shuffled the papers from the printer.

"Anyway, the kids will be here any minute, so I must be going. See you at home!" Rob waved as his feet shuffled over to the door just as the bell rung.

Jace turned forward and pulled out his phone, but wasn't really paying attention. Now two people had said Clary would become bulimic. Would she really?

No, he finally decided. She was so strong. Sure, he had been teasing her since 7th grade, but that means she must have gotten used to it. The class entered in pairs, all chatting around him as Jace confirmed his own thoughts. She would never.

CPOV

Clary stared down the toilet below her. Could she really do it? Was it really that easy? At least no one could walk in on her since she locked the girl's bathroom door. But still.

She consciously put a hand on her stomach and the nausea returned. She patted her leg and watched as the fat slowly shoke. She tapped on the underneath of her arm and watched guilt fully as the flab rocked back and forth.

Lastly, she lifted up her shirt and looked down at her stomach. It bulged in her eyes. In all the magazines, the girl's stomachs were all straight. Hers gave a gentle wave. She then tapped it with tears forming in her eyes. It shoke like water ripples. Her breath caught up in her throat as she released her shirt and she leaned over the toilet.

Slowly and carefully, she brought her fingertips up to her mouth and started scratching the back of her throat. Almost immediately, she felt food come up through her throat and push past her fingertips, landing in the toilet and splashing around the edges. In wonder, Clary stared down. It wasn't that hard. And it didn't even burn, like it does when you're sick and throw up. It was just there. Clary felt tears forming in the corner of her eyes, but it wasn't from any emotion of hers. They were just there, too.

She drew her finger-tips out of her mouth and felt the stickiness on them. Sticky peanut butter and spit clung to her hand. It would've, should've been nauseating, but instead it was wondrous. This simple solution could make her thin. That stickiness was her answer. It made it wonderful.

Leaning forward, Clary inspected the throw-up. She could see the peanut butter and jelly coloring. Chunks of bread floated in the midst of it.

I'm so weird, she thought, not only do I throw up, but I inspect it, too.

But she did not see her apple. And did not taste it, either. As If to confirm it all, she only tasted the peanut butter with jelly.

The bowl only had a little bit of vomit in it. She still had more sandwich and apple in her. Still more calories and sugars and carbohydrates in he, making her bigger. Not for long.

Clary quickly put her fingers back into her mouth and pushed on the back of her throat. Again the stuff came pouring out of her mouth. Almost giddy, she compared herself to a fountain statue. They both let things out of their mouth. But the statues were thin.

Soon, she thought, she would be too.

She threw up more and more until she was gagging, unable to do throw up anything. The gagging turned to coughing fluently, and she rocked back and forth, coughing until she had no air.

Clary had no more food in her. Looking down again, her view confirmed it. She could see a whole bunch of jelly and peanut butter, but now topped with half-digested apple bits. It was all gone.

And she never felt better.

Even though tears fell down her face, the tickling in her throat didn't subside yet, her throat still burning ever so slightly, her legs and arms still shaking, and the smell of vomit was piercing her nose, she felt great.

She felt a little thinner. A little lighter. A little more content.

But she had to cover her steps carefully. With her fingers still trembling and sticky, she rolled up some toilet paper and wiped the rim of the bowl, than the rest of the bowl that wasn't submerged with water before flushing.

No evidence remained except the goo on her fingers and the smell. With her other hand, she unlocked the stall door and headed to the sink with a happy smile on her red face. Her hands still slightly shaking, she rinsed the vomit off her fingers with soap, and soon her fingers smelled fine, nothing left on them.

As for the smell, she reached into her bag and pulled out a tiny bottle of strong perfume and sprayed it everywhere, dancing in the falling particles like a fairy.

The child-like happiness was almost funny. She felt like she was floating. And it came from one small thing.

Throwing up. It also made her feel lighter, thinner, and most importantly, made her actually thinner.

Clary smiled as she unlocked the door and headed out. She defiantly was doing that again.

Jordan's point of view

Looking down at the pills in his fingers, he felt the pressure off his chest. Without even taking them, just the relief that he knew he would feel helped him.

In the background, he heard his parents fighting. Jordan smiled at the thought. Why? He couldn't exactly come up with a reason. Maybe he was just sicker than he thought.

Jordan put one pill on his desk and the other in his mouth. Almost immediately the high came.

His worries disappeared, and he felt like he was in a dream. His body felt numb, and his emotions were gone, everything was just gone in a wave of relaxation. His body felt limp and warm everywhere.

He felt nice and lovely. I didn't matter he was the reason of the fighting. It didn't matter no one liked him. The bruises didn't hurt. It all just floated away, leaving him beautifully lovely.

He had done this before. He remembered only being surprised for a mila-second before the high came. The surprise of throwing up hardly registered on him. He just felt so wonderful. He knew he had to do again.

And so he did.

He had his sources on getting it that no one knew about, that no one cared about.

All he felt was wonderful.


	5. Authors Questions Sorry!

**Hey you guys. Sorry for not updating recently. I am not stopping the story; however have no idea where to start off from here. Maybe it's a few months in and people and people are noticing how thin she looks, and Rob's club starts up, or her mom, Izzy, Rob, or I want to add Maia in the story as a bulimic, so maybe her? I don't want Clary to realize she needs help until quite a few months pass. Maybe Jace and Jordan are trying out the slapping thing?** **Also, I'm thinking about her relationship with her mom. Should it be good or bad? Perhaps her brother Jonathan, who usually stays with her father comes to stay with Clary and her mom for the school year. He would be a good character and catch Clary throwing up and be all disappointed in her. I wanted her to become anorexic because someone is disappointed in her throwing up, so she starves herself so she doesn't need to. Than when she does eat, she feels bad about it. That's how I felt. Who would fit in that slot? If I push it forward how much into the future should it be? I don't know, you guys tell me in the reviews and I will update as soon as possible. My dance studio is going to a competition soon so tomorrow is a full day rehearsal. But I will try! Give your ideas soon! Thx, love you all. **

**So with love, **

**Tatianna **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey Guys! Sorry for not updating sooner, the words just didn't sound right when I tried, so I waited it out, and now it's fine again. I will try to post daily, but with school coming back up soon, it might be a bit hard. I will try though! And I still have tomorrow! And sorry for the whole Thanksgiving theme, just Christmas is too far away for me to skip to, and I think Thanksgiving fits Clary's needs better, so yeah, review. Merry New Year! Review! Thanks!**

_Just anyone Point of View_

"See ya!", "Have a good Thanksgiving,", "Have fun!

The farewells of friends echoed across the school as Clary made her way out of the bathroom and into the crowded hallways. As she ducked and swerved through the mess, she spotted a flash of long black hair.

"Izzy!" Clary tried to yell over the noise, but her voice was drowned out by all the excited students.

"Izzy!" She yelled again, finally giving up and bending down, barreling through the crowd at waist level. Surprisingly, it was a lot easier to move. Now how would she find Izzy?

Of course. The only pair of shoes that were so over eight inches and looked like they cost the same as Clary's apartment. She shot forward and bumped right into Izzy, throwing her against the lockers.

"Woah!" Isabelle started with her arms up, looking down with a surprised glare that could kill. The look immediately ceased as Clary stood up, allowing Clary to see who she was.

"Oh! Clary!" Izzy laughed, pulling the tiny girl into a tight hug. "I thought you were just one those guys from my fan club!" Clary giggled and Izzy laughed harder at her joke, shaking. But unlike Clary, her face stayed the same tan color.

"Um, Clary? Do want me to help you go outside? I know how to push through a crowd, Its one of the pro's to a lot to a lot shopping. Meanwhile, you are clearly you are defenseless," Izzy bluntly said, looking down her frame to see the tiny, fragile girl still clutching her as people pushed by. The blob of red hair and freckles nodded desperately. Here we go, Izzy thought as she began to elbow her way through the crowd, occasionally kicking people with her sharp, long heels, causing them to flinch back and inspect the wound Iz had given.

Clary just clung to Izzy in shock as Izzy shoved, yelled, and kicked. Finally, they burst out the double doors, Clary red and stumbling and Izzy calmly walking in her killer death trap-shoes.

"Well, that was fun," Izzy said as Clary untangled herself from Izzy and took a few breaths before turning to Izzy.

"Fun? I almost got trampled?" she complained loudly while trying to flatten her Fizzy hair. Izzy giggled and touched her own head, where not a hair was out of place.

"Well maybe if your weren't so short and thin. Speaking of which, you lost a lot weight recently. You ok? You want to tell me anything…." Izzy dragged on, her hand motioning for Clary to answer. Inside, Clary fought with herself.

Now would be a great time to tell Izzy, one part of her mind whispered.

She would try to be the good friend and tell on you. You would have to stop, The other voice whispered darkly. Clary was sure her face paled, so she turned away and looked off into the distance.

"Nope," she finally said, agreeing that Izzy would tell. No one could know. They would turn her into the doctors, saying she had a problem. But she didn't. She just liked to throw up after she ate. No harm done, just like when you're sick. No harm done. Only good.

"Ok, then," Izzy voiced, her words laced with doubt and suspicion. Clary began a brisk walk to her car, Izzy running in 8-inch killer heels behind her.

"Oh yeah! So what are you doing for Thanksgiving?" she asked once she caught up to Clary. Who turned to face her, the keys to her crappy old car in hand.

"My Mother decided to have a "family dinner' with Luke," Clary grimaced, putting air quotes around family dinner. Izzy looked a bit bummed.

"I wanted to invite you over, it's just going to be me, my parents, and my annoying ass brother," Izzy explained. Clary was thrilled. Finally, a friend was a friend enough to invite her over. She hadn't had a friend like that in years, since Simon moved away.

"That would be great! I just have to call my Mother Dear and see if it's alright. I'm sure it's fine, she usually doesn't care about me anyway," Clary excitedly said as she pulled out her phone, dialing her mom's cell phone.

"Ugh. You don't have smart phone of IPhone?" The perfect little rich girl said in disgust as Clary held the flip phone up to her ear.

"Yeah. WE don't exactly have unlimited money, so we had to go a bit cheap on the phones," she explained as the phone rang in her ear. Just as Clary was about to hang up, Jocelyn's fuzzy voice came through.

"Hello?" she heard her mom say. Clary resisted on hanging up on the selfish woman.

"Uh, hey mom. A friend invited me over to Thanksgiving, so you and Luke can have a nice romantic dinner," Clary told her, trying to make it sound like a good idea.

"No!" her mom voice practically yelled. The red head flinched, and Jocelyn continued calmer. "Um, I want to have a nice family dinner this year, so I'm afraid not this time."

"What? Mom you never care usually-"Clary said, outraged she actually said no.

"Honey, I'm sorry, but no. I've got to go, see you. Bye sweetie," She hung up. Clary pulled the phone away with a bewildered expression. Next to her, Izzy sighed.

"So I guess it was a no?" she asked sadly, running a hand through her straight, perfect hair.

"Yeah. I guess she finally decided to care a bit. Too bad they coordinated with my plans," Clary said as she unlocked her rusty old car.

"Oh, it's fine. We'll go shopping and have a sleepover the day after! Ok?" Izzy squealed and Clary climbed behind the wheel of her car.

"Sure Iz, but I don't think I can buy much. Again, not too much money….." Izzy waved a dismissive hand and laughed.

"I can pay. We have way too much money anyway," she laughed and Clary shook her head, her curls flying in her face.

"Ok, see ya tomorrow then, I guess. At eight?" she asked with a wide smile. Izzy nodded her head and waved her hand as Clary shut the door and started the engine. Bye! They both mouthed as Clary pulled away.

CPOV

Clary pulled out of the hell-ish parking lot and into the street. The excitivness for tomorrow buzzed in her stomach and Clary couldn't help but think what a normal person would have said to the whole 'paying for her' thing.

The normal person would probably refuse and say they would scrap it up. But not her. She was getting offered free clothes! She just couldn't turn it down.

She turned down to main street and stopped at the light.

She had almost told Izzy about throwing up. That could never happen again. Next time someone asked, she had to look horrified at the prospect of it, even though she loved it and depended on it.

People were already starting to notice. As she walked down the halls, people told her she was thinner, that she had lost weight. Half of them weren't compliments, but Clary took them in like compliments and said thank you every time.

Only good had happened.

Clary hummed to a beat on the radio as she turned off main street onto a small road that a lot of people considered dangerous because of the people there. Only poor, beggars, and criminals lived there.

Nice work with picking a family home, Clary bitterly thought.

Jace had been acting weird. Every time he had started to insult her, Jordan slapped him. At first it was light, but gradually it got harder and harder. Today he was leaving with red across his face.

Every time he was slapped, for a second of two (depending on how hard the slap was,) he looked as though he were kind and caring and wanted to say something. But then the insults continued to stream, and Jordan pulled him away. Why would Jordan do that? He didn't even know her.

Finally, Clary pulled into an empty parking spot in front of her run-down apartment building. It was only four stories high and covered in graffiti-fied bricks. Vines ran up the sides, and dirt filled all the small crevices. The grass was a sick yellow, and the flowers were just sticks. Welcome home.

Clary trudged out of her car, making sure to lock it and trudged up to the stairs of her sick little complex.

"Hey Clare!" one gangly looking guy said as he passed her, giving her a wink and highfive. As she continued, another thin man with chains around her neck passed her.

"Hey! If it isn't Clary! Merry Thanksgiving," The man said as he passed her like old friends. Yeah right. They just knew not to offend her in any way.

They really weren't all that bad in person. They all looked tough and like they could kill someone, but when they don't get there, way, no fights break out. They just scamper away, weak.

On her first night here, she was lugging up boxes late at night, and some guy came down the stairs.

_ "Hey, Girl!" He yelled, and I had turned like a dear in headlights. "You're new?" he shouted, his voice gruff. _

_ "Well maybe I could show you around," he whispered trying to sound seductive as he neared her. Clary knew she was in trouble. She surprised him by kicking him in the face, than grabbing his arms and twisting them behind his back and kicking his ass onto the floor, still gripping his arms. A few other men had heard his grunts and came down to watch the new girl beat the shit out of him. From that point on she was respected. _

"Yeah, so around five is ok? I'll have everything good by then," she heard her mom say into the phone as she ran around the tiny kitchen, stirring pots and checking the oven.

"Ok, Bye. Love you!" she said and hung up with a sigh.

"Oh! Hey Clary!" she said, a wide, fake smile, plastered to her face. Clary felt her stomach tighten at the fakeness of it all.

"Hey," she muttered and ran into her tiny room.

The small room only had a bed and a dresser, and an easel. It was the easel she truly cared about. That was her release. If anyone looked close enough, they would be able to read Clary's life problems out like a map. Too bad no one cared enough to look.

Clary lovingly pulled out a canvas and her paints, along with her music and began to paint her thoughts.

Around five her mother called her down to have dinner with her and Luke. Why did she have to endure the torture?

She came downstairs, ever so slightly pissed off that she had to leave and rushed down still in her paint splattered shirt and jeans.

A grand feast was laid out on the cheap plastic table, a big golden roast in the middle. She probably wanted to make Luke's first Thanksgiving with us special. When it was just her and Clary they had just microwaved some turkey and ate in silence. The usual.

A knock on the door interrupted her dazed thoughts and she slowly made my way to a chair and stared at the food. Her mom could never cook, what happened?

"Oh, Honey, you didn't need to make all this for me," Luke's stunned voice came to Clary's ears. She let her eyes look over at him, stunned, mid-way pulling off his jacket.

"Actually, I didn't. I'll explain in a little bit," Her mom nervously promised. Luke and Clary looked at her for an odd moment before they both continued to look at the food.

After everyone was seated, her mother took a breath.

"Well, I have some big new. Clary, you know your brother, Sebastian?" The mother politely. Clary nodded. Of course she knew him. He was her best friend, her big brother until her mother and father divorced. She kept her, he kept him. Neither of them got someone good.

"Anyway," her mother continued, "Valentine died in a car accident, so Seb will now be staying with us," she announced the death of her ex-husband not having an effect on her. Of course. That's Clary's heartless mom.

Clary's heart was in my mouth. Really? When was he coming? Which room would he have? Questions flooded through her head, but her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Being polite and lady-like as possible, her mom dabbed her mouth with her napkin before rushing to the door where Seb stood.

"Seb!" Clary yelled, standing up and flinging my arms wide.

"Clare-bear!" he laughed and they ran toward each other like in the movies before they crushed each other the biggest of hugs-her legs wrapped around his waist.

"I missed you so much!" she cried into his shoulder. His hand that wasn't supporting her rubbed my back soothingly.

"I know, I missed you too," he whispered. Suddenly, he frowned.

"I can feel your ribs, Clare," he stated confused. She smiled and answered with a happy I know. Still looking troubled, he released her and they made their way back to the table.

"You must have been close," Luke observed. Clary rolled my eyes, thinking duh. Seb just sat there with an idiotic grin on his face.

"Yeah, we were," he grinned. She punched him lightly.

"We are," she said as she started to pile her plate high with food. All the delicious meats, the pasta's, the cheeses, the sauces, everything, Clary had a handful of. She could hardly keep it in any longer before rushing to her bathrooms with quick thanks.

Her mom and Luke didn't listen for her throwing up through her music, and she doubted they would care. They can't afford a doctor, anyway. With a happy hum, Clary tied her hair back and stuffed it down her shirt before beginning to purge. Suddenly, a figure stood in the doorway. Clary froze fingers still in her mouth.

"What are you doing?" the broken voice came through. It was laced with disappointment and fear with a slight tremble in it. Oh no.

**Sorry for the Cliff, but we all know who it is anyway, but I might add a surprise. I would write more, but it's really late. Sorry. Bye!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! Of course it's late again, sorry. I have to juggle school, dance, singing, friends, and free time (with the fanfiction writing) now. Sorry about this chapter, it's kind of depressing, but it needed to be done. You knew what the story was about, it was bound to be sad, so. **

_**Puza: **_**Its Russian for 'stomach.' Seb says this Clary to warn her. I'm not sure if it's how you spell it, so yeah. Thanks for reading, keeping on reviewing. I love the suggestions, too, and will try to incorporate some in! Keep up the fantastic reviews. Bye! Enjoy! **JPOV

"Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!" Maryse cheered and everyone gave a 'woo' before digging into the fancy feast laid before them. Izzy leaned against the table, hardly touching her food and simply playing with it with her fork. Jace sat solemnly, his eyes sad a dreamy. Rob and Mayrse started to eat before noticing the state of their children.

"Darlings, what's wrong?" Maryse said gently, leaning forward and looking intently at the both of them. Izzy and Jace looked at one another and Izzy picked herself to sit straight.

"I had invited a friend over for Thanksgiving dinner today, because her family doesn't make very much and I know her dinner wouldn't be as grand as ours, but her stuck-up mother decided today was a good day to be 'responsible' and caring. I've heard my friend talk about her mom enough to know I'm not overreacting either. It's so frustrating. At least she'll be coming over tomorrow for a sleep-over!" Izzy gushed out, starting kind of glumly, looking back and forth between her family members before she got excited about tomorrow.

Mayrse sat still, looking into no place in general, a glassy look in her eyes. Rob just looked pitiful, quite sad that her mom was so ugh. Unlike the normal parents, Izzy's family did not say 'don't say that about adults!' It was kind of relieving

But Jace just looked off into the distance with the same creepy stare. Izzy waited at the end of the table for someone to come up with some kind of reaction she could talk about.

"Um, guys? Anything to say….." she trailed off, looking between her family expectantly. Jace just continued to sit there.

How could he have been so stupid? Today was even worse with Clary. He'd been so close with Clary for the last few days, almost choking out the words 'I Love You,' but right as he said 'I' he flew into mean, cocky, ass Jace again. More than anything he felt frustrated. He should be able to have control over his own actions for god's sake!

Beyond that, Clary was beginning to lose some weight. Her usually full cheeks had slimmed down a bit, and her soft stomach wasn't there anymore. It wasn't because of him, he convinced himself, she just decided to change how she looked suddenly.

Because you've been teasing her for the last few years about it, his mind whispered darkly. No. He had no affect whatsoever on Clary. At all.

"Um, Jace? Can you please pay attention while your sister is talking? It's rude," Mayrse scolded and Jace's trail of thoughts was lost. Around him sat his family, all looking expectantly at him.

"Um? What?" he asked his cheeks flushing and weak smile offered. Izzy sighed and threw back her head, rolling her eyes, and turned to look at Jace.

"What was the last thing you heard?" She ask, the annoyance clear in her voice. Jace thought back for a few seconds before retrieving the memory.

"Your friend was going to come over but her mom was a bitch and wouldn't let her? So a sleepover tomorrow? He recounted, praying it was true. Izzy looked at him in disbelief that he had actually heard that and repeated what she said after that.

"Well, about this friend, she's getting really thin. I'm getting seriously worried about her. She lost a dramatic amount of weight in last few weeks and seems so happy about it, and I don't want to push or anything, but ugh I'm so nervous. I don't know what to do. And I can't exactly share all the information here because as soon as she comes over tomorrow, Jace here will know all her issues and secrets. That can't happen," Izzy said in a rush, concern throughout the whole thing. Who was this friend?

Jace was a little a taken back by the fact he couldn't hear some this. It's not like her cared about this girl. Izzy always told the family all her gossip about her friend's problems. What was so special about this one?

Rob was lost in thought; that was clear. Suddenly, he straightened up and looked at Izzy.

"Maybe we could discuss your friend in private? Maybe than I can help. You know I am trained to be a consular," He bragged, but not without the initial concern in it. Izzy thought for a moment before nodding.

"Sure," she resounded happily. It must have some weight to carry around about your friend. Jace hardly gave a second thought about any friends but Jordan. he was his best friend, he couldn't not think about him. Not in a weird way.

Thinking of Jordan, his looks were getting worse. It was like the skin was getting looser and pulling his face down. He constantly had the bags under his eyes. What was going on with him.

Probably just his parents again, Jace thought.

"Jace, honey, how's it going with that Clary girl?" his mother asked him, looking at him with hope, yet he could see she thought he was in deep trouble.

"No luck," he sighed, and everyone but Izzy's face's changed to one pity. Izzy just looked pissed beyond belief.

"I keep getting so close! I'm just about to utter 'love' when I get all weird and controlled again. It's not even the I anymore I can reach that, but that damn love. Ugh," he rushed out in desperation.

"How have you been getting so close?" Mayrse questioned. He was afraid of that. He hadn't told his parents about the whole slapping thing with Jordan.

"Yeah, um," he stuttered, picking at the skin on his wrist, "I've been having Jordan slap me every time I start acting odd," he teetered in a laughy tone. His parents looked at him, again with the concerned eyes.

"Jace, honey, you have to find a different way!" His mom said sympathetically. Jace waved his hand to stop from continuing.

"I know, Mom, I know. I shouldn't do it and all that jazz, but it's just so hard," he complained before digging his fork into his stuffing.

"You know what Jace?" Izzy suddenly shouted, pushing her chair back and pointing an angry finger at Jace. Her Jace was contorted with anger, he perfect hair slightly frizzing.

"You better pull your shit together, and soon, before you totally destroy that poor girl!" she shouted before looking down, apparently calmed down.

"I'm sorry, Mom, I have lost my appetite. Thank you for the wonderful dinner, it was lovely," she said, hardly above a whisper. It was clear she was holding back tears. Her head down, no one could see her face, but Jace could hear it in her voice. She was so worried about the girl with red hair.

"What about dessert, Sweetie?" Mayrse said, reaching over the table to wrap her long finger around Izzy's wrist.

"I'm fine," Iz whispered before turning away, pulling out of her mother's grip and turning to the stairs. Ad she ran up then, Jace saw her face spilling with silent tears. What had got her so sensitive?

Clary. How could he be so cruel to her! Izzy must know something about it. He really was affecting her! And not like her wanted to. He was reason she was losing weight. He was the reason. He had no idea what went on outside of school or inside her walls. Nothing.

Jace felt the nausea rise in form his stomach and the guilt from all those years pour down on his shoulders.

"I think I'm done too," he whispered under the tremendous weight. Rob and Mayrse just glanced at each other and watched him go with sad eyes.

Later that night, Jace thought about the dinner incident.

I was wrong; he thought finally, Izzy's just being weird again. And with that thought in mind he drifted off to sleep.

CPOV

"Seb," she let out a strangled cry, her body not working. Tears staring flowing from her eyes, "It's not like it looks like!" she choked. Seb stepped inside the bathroom, his anger apparent.

"Are your sure Clary? Because it looks like you were making yourself throw up," he angrily accused. Clary started to scramble for words, thinking like she was in a book, how would a no-bulimic person react to being accused and how would she act that? What was her excuse.

But her mind was too flurried to work very well, and her attempts were feeble. She sat back, shaking her hand with mucus on up in down in mock disgust.

"Yes, I was making myself throw up. But that's just because I was feeling nauseas and a bit sick. You know mom's cooking. It was bound to happen," she proclaimed with a little too much energy as she cocked her hip to the side and looked at Sebastian in fake anger.

She saw Seb saw right though her.

"Oh, Clare-bear, what happened? Why are you throwing up?" he asked, tears prickling the side of his eyes. He looked so desperate, so confused, guilty miserable. It broke Clary's heart.

"I'm so sorry Seb!" she wailed, throwing herself into his arms, "I just suddenly became aware of how much I weigh and still wanted to eat and I just…" she cried in-between pants for breath. Seb scooped her up bridal style and took her to her bad, where she laid, curled up in the blankets and bawled.

Seb sat at the end of the bed and watched.

"It is just so much easier than all those diets, all those painful exercises," She cried and screamed. Her dear mother seemed too absorbed with Luke in the other room to hear her daughter's wails and cries. Either that or she didn't care.

Seb looked down at her sprawled out figure.

"When did it start?" he asked quietly, looking away from her and studying the blanket instead. She sniffled and looked up at him, her lower lip quivering.

"In the-" She took a deep breath and tried to control the panting, "Beginning of the year," she tried to say calmly, but ended up wailing again and shoveling her wet face into the blankets again.

Seb mulled over this and thought. It probably had something to do with school. Someone was probably teasing her and she felt fat again and went to last resort. Vomiting.

When Clary was younger, she was always weighed much than her classmates. Her cheeks always remained round, her stomach always soft and curvy. When she was five-ish, Seb started to teach her how to lose some weight and keep it like that.

He showed some simple exercises for little kids, and told her do them daily. AS she grew older, she grew out of them and found her own exercises online. Gradually, Seb introduced dieting. They weren't a bad family as it was, no chips or cookies always there to eat. But the food she did eat was plentiful and unhealthy. He showed her the right foods with the right proteins.

Every time she started to gain the weight back, he would warm her. Throughout the days he would give her belly a squeeze, whispering '_Puza_' in her ear. She would always be slightly annoyed but would start the whole exercise and diet thing again. However, she was never around the same weight as her peers.

He must have implanted it in her head she needed to be thin. Always. He himself was he called thin with abs and biceps and triceps, and all the muscles needed for a guy. When he left, she must have taken it upon herself to work as hard as possible until she became perfect. When that moment never came shining through all the pain, she must have resorted to vomiting.

The guilt weighed down on him, and he leaned down on Clary's bed with her sobbing figure and began to cry gently.

He had basically killed his sister. He was no wimp, studying to be a doctor. He knew that things that bulimia could cause. Depression. Grief. Her teeth would turn yellow. Gastritis. Her stomach would begin to eat itself. Since her body would find other ways to get rid of waste, she would even eventually lose the ability to poop. She would get weak. Even if she tried to stop throwing up after eating, it would be physically impossible. Her body would get too used to it. She wouldn't be able to digest food.

Soon, Seb's small tears came in larger amounts until her started to whimper. Clary sat up and looked down at his tearing figure. His body shook with sobs. The guilt was too much and he couldn't keep it in until he left Clary.

Clary meanwhile felt guilty for making her beloved brother cry. No matter what, he never cried. She had only seen it twice. Once over a girl, and it wasn't this bad, and once when he had to leave her. To his face twisted up and wet broke the small girls heart.

She leaned over him and began to sob over his shaking body.

"Seb! Don't cry!" she wailed, "I'll be fine, just stop crying!" she sobbed. How could she, Clary Fray, make her big brother cry like that?

The two cried in a pile for who knows how long, hugging each other and begging for the other to stop crying. To see the other in pain brought tears to the others face. It was an endless cycle.

Finally, they ran out of tears and just hugged each other.

"Seb, I'm so sorry," Clary whimpered into Seb's ear. He flinched. She knew he didn't mean it offensively, but it hurt.

"I killed you Clary. I killed you. All that I had said, all that I had done, I was trying to help you. I'm so sorry," he whimper-cried, his whole body trembling. Clary's heart broke that he thought such a thing.

"No Seb, it wasn't you at all. You did help me. If it weren't for you, I would've been at it for years now," Clary sighed, rolling to her. They two looked up, both on their backs on Clary's bed.

They laid in silence.

"Not that I admit it wasn't my fault. It totally is, but you have to stop, Clary. You will right?" he finally said, turning his head to look at the thin red head. Clary felt his gaze on her and turned her head, looking at him straight in the worried eye. She saw the fear, panic, guilt, worry. Everything. But still she hesitates ever so slightly.

How could she give up something so wonderful, something that has done nothing but good for her? It helped her, comforted it. Every time she was done, her ribs and hip bones became more apparent. Seb must have seen the hesitation.

"Clary," she suddenly said, gripping her shoulders with a great force, "This will kill you," she started. Clary broke down in fear and panic.

"I'm going to die? Already? I only did it for a few months!" she panicked, throwing her hands up and rolling away. Her chest was heaving and her panic was getting to Seb.

"No, not yet," he assured her as her grabbed her shoulders again and rolled her to face him, "But if you continue, you will die. You know I'm training to a doctor. The cases I have seen as an intern were terrible," he said, the horror of the memories flooding back to him.

"They were just sticks. I could see all their bones," he started as he rolled over to face the ceiling. Clary followed in his suit and rolled as well. The whole seeing bones thing wasn't disgusting, she thought, it was a great sign on success. But she kept the thought to herself. It wouldn't help her case.

"Some still refused to eat," he said with a sick chuckle, "They refused to see they were too thin." The horror in this was obvious. He looked at her again, his eyes shining brightly with worry.

"Your teeth turn every yellow with no way to fix it, not with money we have. Your stomach will start to eat itself. Slowly, you won't be able to digest anymore. Since your body found a new way to get rid of waste, you won't be able to poop. Your stomach will be so small, you won't be able to eat anything without feeling full. Every time after you eat you will feel nausea, Once you get so in, you won't even be able to control the puking. It would be an automatic response a few minutes after eating. You'll get gastritis. You'll get so weak you won't be able to stand. You won't even have the ability to digest anymore," He forcefully said.

All the words were reaching Clary's brain, but none really connected with her. She would never feel that. She was special. It wouldn't happen to her she would avoid it somehow and keep throwing up.

"Will you stop?" he whispered quietly, looking at her with hope.

"Yes," she said, hoping to make it sound true through her teeth. He seemed satisfied and looked away, hugging her in and kissing the top of her head.

"Thanks you," he whispered.

Clary swallowed. Maybe she was getting better at lying. This new skill will come in handy when I throw up again, she thought.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! This chapter is kind of odd, and mostly just describes how rich the Lightwoods are. Sorry about that. Recently I haven't been in a very writing-y mood, and so the right words wouldn't come. They still won't but I can't leave you guys waiting, so ta-da! I'm going to try to continue tomorrow, since dance is only one hour tomorrow. What POV should the next chapter be in? Should Jace be nice, and maybe go to the mall with them? Review what you think. Review in general, too. Bye! Thanks for reading!**

Izzy Pov

The next morning, Izzy happily fluttered into Clary's room, her heels thumping as she skipped across the room and reached for the curtains.

"Good Morning, Sunshi-" Izzy stopped short, spotting the other figure laying with Clary. He had bright blond hair, almost white, and a long tan complexion. His cheekbones rested high on his face, and his eyes were closed in a peaceful slumber with Clary curled into his back. Both looked disturbed, and she could see the glisten of dried tears on their cheeks.

Who the hell was this guy? Was Clary drunk last night? Is so, why? Did she have a boyfriend? No, no, no, she could not have a boyfriend. The guy did look strong. Did he force in bed?

"Clary? Who is that?" she whispered horrified. She watched as Clary stirred, curling up a bit before stretching and leaning up against her elbow.

"What?" she said, bewildered and obviously annoyed. Her red hair was all frizzed more than usual and up like a rats nest. Around her eyes her make-up was all over, making her eyes like a raccoon.

Izzy glanced at the guy nervously, horrified. She was drunk. She didn't even know the guy. Izzy knew she was strong, but that guy did look like quite the fight…

"That guy!" she squeaked, her knees starting shake. She pointed a shaking finger at the sleeping guy, who was sleeping through the conversation. Who was this dude and why didn't Clary know him or why he was in her bed.

Clary glanced down, confused, before spotting the guy. Her face switched between excitement, fear, and finally tiredness. Clary groaned and fell back into her pillow and mumbled a few things.

"What?" Izzy asked, still horrified as she starting walking toward the door, prepared to run for it. Clary lifted her head and looked at Izzy.

"My brother," she said before face-planting back into her pillow. Izzy noticed a bit of white around the corner of her mouth, but choose to ignore it. She stopped halfway to the door as the guy started moving ever so slightly. Clary had a brother?

"You have a brother?" she voiced her thoughts out not even above a whisper. She heard a yes from Clary, whose face was still in the pillow.

"Clary," the guy groaned as he scooted closer to the red head, draping a loving arm over and tugging her closer.

"Seb!" Clary groaned back, "Izzy's here and you're scaring her." Seb stopped and his eyes slashed open right before he was going to tuck his head in her neck. AS if the rest of his body were frozen, he turned his head and spotted Iz, how stood there with one hip cocked, her one hand up covering her mouth.

Seb gave a weak smile before turning his head back to Clary and the pillow. Iz heard a muffle hi from the Seb guy's pillow and a giggle from Clary.

"Um, Clary, are you going to get up and save me from this awkwardness?" Izzy asked, tittering a little at the end, hoping to sound like she knew what was going on. She failed and knew it.

"No!" Clary groaned, but still lifted herself up and started to scoot the edge of the bed. Inside, Iz let out a sigh. Finally.

Suddenly, Clary stopped and looked up at Izzy.

"How did you get in?" she asked, looking up in bewildered way. Iz found herself shrugging like it was no big deal.

"I rang the bell a few times but no one answered so I picked the lock with one of my hairpins and let myself in. Then came into your room and started to wake you up and kind of froze up when I saw him," she explained, gesturing to Seb, who had woken up and was staring up with same face of ridicule as Clary.

Iz let out a bark of laughter and at their faces.

"Now I see how you two look alike!" she joked, and the two just looked at each other, shaking their heads. Clary finished getting off the bed and Seb turned back to the bed.

"Now why are you here?" Clary asked, exasperated, as she looked at the clock. The bright numbers shone a bright 7:00.

"Well, we need to get you ready to go to the mall, and that opens in exactly three hours. Sorry, I would've been here sooner, but my brother wouldn't cook me breakfast," Izzy apologized.

Clary made a weird face, with her one eyes squinting and her face cocking to the side like a doll.

"Why can't you cook for yourself? And sooner? God Izzy, I just have to brush my hair, throw on jeans and a t-shirt, and brush my teeth, and that take 3 minutes, not hours!" Clary complained and she walked over to her dresser, grabbing her hair brush and starting to attack them.

"Well, a) I can't cook, and b) what are you talking about, you have to pick the outfit, do your make-up, find the perfect shoes, style your hair, pick a purse, and a wallet to go with it, and earrings," Izzy ranted on and on and stuff she had to pick from.

Clary listened, cringing with every word. Pick a purse, wallet, belt, shoes? What was that girl talking about? Clary had a few shirts, a few pants and shorts with one or two skirts, one wallet, no belts, and one pair of sneaker and boots.

Izzy crossed the room and flung open the closet doors, finding it depressingly empty. It held on sad dress, and a few old shirts hanging loosely on their hangers. She recoiled away from the closet like it burned her and looked back at Clary, who was slightly pale and shrugging.

Iz noticed the red hair was actually better and not up in a nest like earlier. How could a few strokes do that? But at her house, Iz would use her supplies to make it so much better.

"How about make-up?" she asked as kindly as possibly, trying to keep the hope out of her voice. Clary shrugged and pulled out a small pouch with a single eye-liner, mascara, lipstick, and eye shadow. The exact same thing from their first day together. Iz thought it was just a small sample for when she was rushing.

Shaking her head, Iz opened the door and waved Clary out, who was just starting to get changed.

"Uh,uh, Honey, you're getting fixed up at my house," Iz smirked as she pushed Clary out, leaving he sleeping form of her brother snoring gently on the bed.

CPOV

Clary and Iz bustled down the stairs and headed out to Izzy's car. In the halls, they passed not a soul. No one was up at 7:00 in her apartment. The sun rose up over the building, illuminating the halls like Clary had never seen before. Before school, it was all dark, and after school, it was all bright. Now it had a soft glow with it, gentle colors splashing everywhere.

Iz walked briskly out, shuddering as she looked around. Huh, Clary thought, must have never been in a place for people with a low income.

Her lazy mother was a starving artist, wasting her time on painting meaningless art instead of going out a working more hours at the Wawa around the corner, where she worked for a few hours. Jocelyn had no talent in her art. Random squiggle doodled here and a dot there. She couldn't expect the piece to sell well, but still collected the twenty bucks the 2 week project could scrap up.

Clary thought her art was more emotional, more like a chunk was coming out of her. Every time she drew, or painted, she would blur the lines, or use straight, dark lines, all depending on her mood, her feeling. She drew how she felt put into a picture that just summed her up.

Not only did Clary use art as an escape, but she used a small journal filled of words. Words would pop in her head, and every time she pressed the pencil down and left the word behind, it was like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. Occasionally, she would hide one of the strongest words in her art. The word Starve was coming up a lot recently.

Iz pushed Clary out the spray painted building and stomped across the yellow dying grass toward a shimmering gold convertible. She continued to walk and open the door, settling herself in the white leather seats before noticing Clary hadn't taken a seat. She glanced up to find Clary, staring openly at the car, her jaw dropped and feet not budging.

"Well? Come on, we have work to do!" Izzy called over, motioning over exaggeratedly for her to come. As she stuck the keys in ignition, Clary stumbled to the car still in shock. Finally, she opened the door and plopped down, her eyes staring at something in the distance.

They drove in silence, since Clary was incapable of doing anything but stare.

Halfway to the house, Clary finally started to talk.

"Thi-this is your car?" she stammered, brushing her hand delicately across the seat.

"Yup!" Izzy gleefully said, making a sharp turn, "I got it when I turned sixteen along with a little beach house and log cabin," she stated as simply one were to say 'I got doll and lipstick.' Clary looked over at her in disbelief before shaking her head.

"Wow. You got, as a 16 year old, what I could live in for life, comfortably with working my ass off every day," she said, not in an offensive tone, just one of wonder. Izzy licked her lips and continued to drive, unable to deny it.

Before long, the pair pulled up in front of a large black iron gate. The gate when towering above them for miles, seeming to reach the clouds. Around them, green hedges were trimmed neatly, keeping the place looking as natural as the iron gate could.

Promptly, Iz pulled up , the nose of car almost touching the gate, and pressed a small button.

"Hello?" a tired and scratchy voice spoke. Iz leaned in a bit toward the mic, her make-up covered face looking very important and business like,

"Could we come in?" she asked, and paused, pursing her lips as she waited for the answer.

"Wwweeeelllll," the speaker dragged out, "Could I have five dollars?" Izzy rolled her eyes and winked at me.

"Fine," she said in fake frustration. She turned to the wheel and prepared for the gate to open.

And when it did it looked like a movie.

The car lurched forward, hardly giving Clary time to look at the huge yard with silver statutes and luscious garden. Trees decorated the place, making it look like a college ground. Clary couldn't help but wonder what this place was. It was far too big for a house…..

"Welcome to home," Izzy smiled, and a large mansion with a fountain and balcony came into view. The house a bedazzling white, with glass windows placed almost everywhere. The roof was covered in solar panels that shone so brightly it hurt Clary's eyes.

"This is your home?" she asked, making it obvious she was utterly flabbergasted.

"Yup," Iz replied, popping the 'p' at the end. Clary looked all around, eyes filled of wonder. Iz smiled and pulled out her garage remote control, pressing button. The car suddenly dropped, with a smiling Izzy and a panicking Clary.

"What's going on?" she shrieked, looking around desperately. The car touched ground on the cement below the ground.

"Relax, Honey, it's the garage," Iz said, putting a hand on her arm before kicking er door open and exiting the car. Clary followed her pursuit, still in awe.

"This is the Institutes Garage. Like it? My brother wanted in, so, whatever," Iz presented. Shrugging. Clary turned in circles, looking at every car.

Mustang in the corner. Platinum convertible next to them. The whole place was stuffed with the most expensive cars in the world, stretched on as far as Clary could see.

"Woah," she managed to get out, giving each car attention. Iz laughed and dragged her along to an elevator.

"Come on, girl, we have to get your dressed!" she exclaimed, looking Clary up and down. Her see-through-tee-shirt hardly covered her legs, and the material allowed for people to see the slightest bit of pigment through the shirt.

Clary squeaked and covered herself with her arms.

"We have to move before my brother is up again! He would die if he saw you in that!" Iz rushed out and starting dragging Clary to the elevator doors.

The whole time in the elevator, Clary anxiously waited to meet Iz's brother. Right before the door opened, Iz turned to Clary.

"Now, I'm pretty sure you don't like him, but don't feel intimidated at all. He's just an ass sometimes, and you only see that part of him." Clary's anxiousness soon turned to fear. She knew the guy, and didn't like him? Who was he?"

The elevator dinged and opened to reveal a large kitchen with pots and knives hanging from the ceiling.

"Woah, Iz this is great!" Clary laughed, taking he sight in. Everything was stainless steel, and sparkling at that. Iz grabbed her arm and started to furiously tug, btu Clary yanked out of grasp.

"Please, Iz? Can I look around?" She begged, giving the pouty eyes. Iz started to frantically motion behind Clary. The red head laughed.

"Iz your place is huge compared to mine! What could possibly make me want to leav-" Clary stopped mid-sentence and turned around to face her nightmare.

Jace looked down on her, his mouth open and milk beginning to drop from his hand.

JPOV

In his dream, him and Clary were happy together on the beach, sipping wine and staring out into the sunset. Clary had her arm around his shoulders, and his arms was snaked around her waist, as he always wanted to do.

She laughed her beautiful laugh that he only heard when she wasn't with him.

Then suddenly, he was kissing her. Her kips moved happily with his, the whole thing filled of passion and love.

"Clary," he moaned, slipping his tongue into her mouth.

"Jace! Wake up!" she yelled through the kiss. Without breaking contact, he continued.

"Clary?" he asked, confused.

"No idiot!" Iz yelled as she threw a pillow at him, effectively waking him up. Clary was gone.

"It's Iz! And I. Want. Breakfast!" she screeched, pounding him with pillows with each word. Jace groaned and turned away from her.

"I bought eggs that you can just warm up in the microwave," he grumbled. The hits stopped.

"Oh," he heard Izzy say, "Thanks!" with that heels clicked across the floor and shut the door.

Almost immediately he fell back into a deep slumber.

_(Awesome line breaker inserted here-Awesome line breaker inserted here)_

The next time Jace woke, Izzy was back with her new friends. The speaker buzzed into his room since no one else was home.

"Hello?" he asked, annoyed at the time.

"Can we come in?" he heard Iz ask. He groaned before answering. Time to get revenge.

"Wweeeelllll, "he drawled out, buying time before thinking of something, "can I have five bucks?" he could practically here Iz roll her eyes.

"Fine," she fake grumbled. Jace smiled and pressed the gate opener button. He wasn't getting his money.

Looking at the clock, it was 7:15. Might as well get up.

He made his way downstairs, grabbing the milk from the fridge closest to him and making his way to the kitchen where the bowls and cereals are kept.

Jace heard the ding of the elevator and waited for Iz and her friend to come in. Who was it this time? A dumb blonde? A smart brunette? All of them he couldn't remember the names of. But this time a girl with fiery red hair stumbled in.

"Woah, Izzy, this is great!" she exclaimed, running around the counter and taking in the sight. He watched her silently, afraid to move or speak. He felt his jaw drop, and the milk start to slip from his grip.

He watched her inspect the hanging knives and pots, the stainless steel appliances, everything. He watched as Iz grabbed her wrist and began to tug her away. He wanted to tug her to him, but Iz's expression told him not to.

"Please, Iz? Can I look around?" she begged at Iz. He saw the frantic motioning to him in her eyes. She was warning her. About him. Being there. She hadn't told her yet. Well shit, he was trouble, and she was in for a surprise.

"Iz, your place is huge compared to mine," she laughed, pulling out of Iz's grip. Her house? He didn't' think about how much money she had. She might only have a few dollars to spare, living in a small apartment in a dangerous neighborhood. His heart shattered at thought. He just might have to steal her and force her to live at the mansion if so.

"What could possibly make me want to leave-"she began, turning to face him. His heart stilled. Jace could feel his jaw still dropped, and waited for her reaction. She stopped mid-sentence once she saw him.

"Jace!" she squeaked.


End file.
